Me to We Talk Podcast

Episode 33: Bite your Tongue!

June 13, 2020 Me to We Talk Podcast Season 2 Episode 32
Me to We Talk Podcast
Episode 33: Bite your Tongue!
Chapters
00:01:47
Where did Bite Your Tongue Come From?
00:02:39
5 Amazing Tips Preview
00:11:40
Will we lose emotional ground
00:15:02
4 Reasons why biting your tongue is healthy for your relationship and marriage
Me to We Talk Podcast
Episode 33: Bite your Tongue!
Jun 13, 2020 Season 2 Episode 32
Me to We Talk Podcast

Join the Me to We Talk Podcast for our latest episode "Bite your Tongue"!  We address the pro's and con's of saying what you want to say, when you want to say it! Help build your listening skills while choosing your words wisely to protect the one you love.  We encourage you to listen in as we give you valuable tips to increase your relationship status without giving up relationship capital!  Finally, don't miss out on the 5 no no's when providing unsolicited advice in marriage.  Be careful of what you say...if you want to keep your tongue let alone bite it!  We encourage you to download, share and subscribe TODAY!

Learn more about us at: campsite.bio/metowe

Me to We Talk Podcast presents The Truth Serum Series! Address Godly relationship issues and topics not normally discussed in church settings...but should! Join Elders Conell & Rhonda Hollins as they speak the Truth, The Whole Truth and nothing but the Truth...So Help Me God.  Available for Free download! Check us out at our podcast website Me to We Talk and join our blog...The Talk of the Town to get the latest topics up for discussion on the Me to We Talk Podcast! Join us on air! Click here to contact us we would love to hear your perspective and talk with you live during our podcast! Listen, and let the truth set you free!

Support the show (http://paypal.me/metowetalk)

Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Join the Me to We Talk Podcast for our latest episode "Bite your Tongue"!  We address the pro's and con's of saying what you want to say, when you want to say it! Help build your listening skills while choosing your words wisely to protect the one you love.  We encourage you to listen in as we give you valuable tips to increase your relationship status without giving up relationship capital!  Finally, don't miss out on the 5 no no's when providing unsolicited advice in marriage.  Be careful of what you say...if you want to keep your tongue let alone bite it!  We encourage you to download, share and subscribe TODAY!

Learn more about us at: campsite.bio/metowe

Me to We Talk Podcast presents The Truth Serum Series! Address Godly relationship issues and topics not normally discussed in church settings...but should! Join Elders Conell & Rhonda Hollins as they speak the Truth, The Whole Truth and nothing but the Truth...So Help Me God.  Available for Free download! Check us out at our podcast website Me to We Talk and join our blog...The Talk of the Town to get the latest topics up for discussion on the Me to We Talk Podcast! Join us on air! Click here to contact us we would love to hear your perspective and talk with you live during our podcast! Listen, and let the truth set you free!

Support the show (http://paypal.me/metowetalk)

Unknown Speaker :

Hello, everybody, welcome back. It is a another great day. And you were are with the "Me to We talk podcast". And yes, it's the truth serum series where we promise to tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me God. And this episode is brought to you by Me to We love.com that is https://metowelove.com. And we thank you for your support. Yes, we thank you so much for your support. We've got a great episode he yet again and again and again. Oh, they better stop us because we cannot end it at this point. But we have some great information for you guys. And we had some great feedback over the last couple weeks, as we have had so much going on in the world today. Yeah. But there's been so many people that say hey, I'm having issues in my relationship, and I need some help. And so we want to make sure that we support them. Right. Yeah, I mean, it's a lot going on And though we know what the world is going through, it's time to put a little bit love back into it. You know, yeah, let's bring some love back. And let's give some, you know, constructive criticism on some things that we can do in order to help ourselves and then also help ourselves treat our mates and that's a good thing that is, but don't talk about me the first episode back talking about love. I have not I wasn't even planning on talking about you. I put it out there. Okay, I guess I better bite my tongue. Better bite your tongue. That's today's episode, everybody we're talking about bite your tongue. If you love them, you better smile grin and bear it okay. I'm serious. Like it's needed in relationships. And a lot of people don't know where it originally came from. And I'd love to tell you guys all about it. But bite your tongue is a synonym actually an idiom, I should say, meaning to hold your tongue it essentially means that you are punishing your tone for wanting to do the wrong thing like you've got to stop it! You better not say what you want to really say, right? But there are sources that use idioms back into the 1590s. Okay, because it was a reference that was used at that point, the first example of that phrase being used was in Henry the Eighth, part two by William Shakespeare. Okay, that was a while ago, that was a while. Okay, that was a while. But let's bring it back to 2020. And we're talking about when you're in a relationship with someone who you love, and you got to kind of take a look at those things. So now that we have you guys, and you're our captive audience, we want to give you five amazing tips on what you can do in order to have a healthy relationship where you're biting your tongue. And then I'm going to tell you something about the five things that can happen negatively if you release your tongue and if you do, oh my god, it's about to go down. Okay, world war three, world war three, and you're gonna have it in your house, in your living room and everybody's gonna watch and there's gonna be Massive casualties to your marriage, right? And we don't want that. Because if you think about it, that's the actual goal. Like what is the goal? Like you're biting your tongue for a reason. Right. So what's the end goal? That's exactly it. That is one of our topics. One of the rules to biting your tongue is what's your endgame? Do you want the relationship to work? Or do you want to be right? Right? Do you want to point out a couple things? Do you want to remind them of where they stand-who they are in this whole thing? You have to get to the point where you start losing count, right? And when you are no longer able to remember exactly how many times someone has done something that's annoying in your relationship. I would tell you that is the right temperature to bite your tongue and I mean bite it hard! You stop it now! Oh, have you ever bit your tongue and then all of a sudden, you start to tear up because it just hurt. Yeah. Did you do that? I mean, I was very hungry though. Oh my gosh. But you know what? It could be like that in a relationship though. Yeah, you're just so hungry to get it out. Say what you got to say like, like, say what you mean to say what was that song? Yeah. If you got something to say you better say it right? But then you really aren't ready for it. So, you know, we're going back to what you said it is very important that we stop keeping score. Because again, it's the point of because you can actually turn a conversation into an argument, just because you start piling on because like, let's say if if you did something wrong, and I took it upon myself to point it out, right, when you can easily point the finger right back at me. Oh, so you. That's what we're doing now. Right? Playing the blame game. Yeah, you can start Pew, pew, pew, pew pew pew. I'm taking shots about all the things I've done wrong. Again, so what are we accomplishing? Not one thing, you're not accomplishing anything other than that you're hurting the person that you love. Yeah. And you don't want to do that. Right. So we go back to biting your tongue again. So you just talked about it? What's your endgame? Are you trying to have a good relationship or not? Okay, then the next part is, let me know. Are you giving me unsolicited advice? Like Did I ask you to tell me you know, like, I just want to be real, you know, has someone come to you and they said something and you're like, well, Danj, you could have kept that You know, I didn't need that. If I didn't ask you Why did you come tell me? That's true. I mean, they because they saw you in a vulnerable state maybe and they want to just pile on. But if I'm in a vulnerable state, you're gonna hit me when I'm down?! It depends. Ever speaking from a relationship standpoint, I'm gonna build you back up. Okay, well, yeah, well, yes, you do. You do, and you do a fantastic job. But I want to really answer our listeners, because, you know, we've had a couple, you know, calls about this. We had a few emails that came in as well. And we're like, okay, dang, this is a real thing, right? Yeah. If someone keeps pointing out those things you have to make sure was your advice solicited? It's unsolicited advice. Maybe Hold your tongue a little bit. wait to see if that person asked you for your opinion or what you think or what happened with this, you know, don't don't just immediately you know, insert yourself or your thoughts into that person's head You know, you know, feelings if you haven't even made sure you know, it's safe ground for you to walk on. You know, remember those remember those like icy lakes, you know, that they had, like, you know, when they're doing ice fishing before you can go out there you have have to have it has to be a certain temperature outside. It has to be cold underneath it. freeze the water underneath so that it's a good the right way for you to walk on it you know so you're not walking on thin ice right? You get it you like I get it. Did you see that. Are you picking up what I'm putting down? I got nothing to say you're right. God gave that to me. Okay, well, come on. Tell me what else you think God gave you, don't don't leave it all to me. No, I'm wholeheartedly in agreement with you just say it. So I really have nothing else to add to that because you know, it's really about listening, which we're going to go into the four reasons why by the time can be a good thing. So yeah, hands down. You're right on that. Okay, well then consider this. Think about this in James 1:26. Now I'm going to give it to you the ESV version, but it says if anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue, but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. Okay. And so you have to think about that. What is your religion because there are people that worship criticizing right? They really do. You know, they look at and they go Dang, you know this shoe, huh? I kind of find a little bit of fun or satisfaction and criticizing you fall find someone who's judging you hard and picking you apart. And when you love somebody, you don't want to pick them apart. You don't want to tell them everything that's wrong with them. You want to find ways to build them up, like what you do with me and what you do with the boys. And what I feel I do for you, you know, like, it just goes along that line. But do you Are you a subscriber to criticizing Okay, you know, it goes back to what we just said people feed off that, that negative energy is something they just have to have people like to step on you to make themselves taller. Exactly. Or knock your head off. So they have to a toddler, right? And if they got to take apart you bit by bit, it's literally you know, death by 1000 cuts, you know, and you don't want to do that to your mate. You want. You want to cut them every time you say something. That's just how the tongue works. Yeah, I literally found over 100 scriptures in the Bible, just talking about the tongue. Wow, Isn't that crazy? So we need to tame our time. We need to tame our tongue because You know Jesus saying, okay, it's a lot of stuff that comes out if you've been a watch it, watch what you say. And you know you have to and the reason why he says it because he says it in Matthew, He says, I tell you on the Day of Judgment, people will give an account for every careless word they speak. You got to watch what you say and how you say it. Oh, hands down, right. And I would say that's my next part. You want to do a temperature check? Okay? like is this the right temperature? Do they have any stressors that's going on in their life? Is there a trigger you know, in there you know, like you know that you're going to trigger your main say something when they're already having a bad day. Let's say they had a bad day at work. You got to watch the the relationship temperature, you know, cannot talk about that right now. Is that best? What you saying when you say it is so vital and important? So you really have to assess the environment that you're in, like you were just saying, Yeah, and really take the time when it's appropriate to actually address some things, especially as certain things about we say you don't want to be sweeping everything under the rug, but certain things you don't have actually saying that I read this thing we're saying, pick your battles, you don't always have to show up to every argument you're invited to. Oh, I like that. I like that one. And it's a valid point is like, every every conversation doesn't have to turn into an argument. True. So true. I really like that one. And that one, we better we better use that in class, you know, because we do remember we told you guys we teach a lot of premarital classes through our church. And when we're going through it, we try to give them as much information as possible in order to prepare them to be great. And so hearing something like that, that just empowered me, I felt like I learned something new. Thank you, honey, I appreciate that. That's what I'm here for. Okay, so I got more each one teach one people reach plenty of you knows I was Oh, so when I got one for you, too, baby. Come on that. Okay, now we have another one. I want you guys to think about this. Now. We already said a couple of we said hey, do you have an in game Okay. Are you on soliciting? In your advice? Is it unsolicited advice, which was Number two, then we said number three, hold on now, are you a person that likes to subscribe? Or your religion is to criticize, right? We want to make sure you don't have a lifelong subscription to that. Right. And so that's number three there. Okay, can I give them number four? Please do your writing. Okay, here it goes. Be careful. Someone else might be listening. And it might be little ears right? That's true. Wow. Yes. You know, you want your children are like literally walking around. This is for those of you who have children, right. They are walking around there. I honestly believe that they're walking video cameras, right? And they remember and see everything you do. Little sponges, they soak it up, but they hear everything you have you ever heard your child repeat something you've said and you're like, wait a minute, I remember saying that in front of you. I didn't know you were listening like they do. They do what's called ear hustling. Yeah, I want to be a grown folks conversation. So they will be around. You'll think they're in their own world with everything. He just Have boogly absolutely come up with the most inappropriate time to like, Mom, you didn't say that about grandma. You're like, why are you here my business. And so that's why it's super important that you watch what you say, bite your tongue, you want to make sure that you don't hurt anyone, you know, knowingly or unknowingly. You know, and it's so important, right? So that you heard our number four. I'd love to give you number five. I'm waiting for. Is that the last one? Yes. The last one. This last one. Right. You want to make sure just before you say that, just before you say what you think you just gotta say got it. Just get a get past the teeth in your mouth, right? You want to make sure and ask yourself, Am I going to lose relationship capital? Wow, you know, it's super important. like are we going to lose emotional ground? If I say this? Like, is there going to be a point where I lose something with you that I can't get back? That's true. Because I collect my brownie points stored away like nuts. I can't believe I can't be taking a step back just to win an argument. Right? You know, you take two steps back and you thought you may want Step four, but you actually took maybe four or five back. Especially if someone in your relationship disqualifies you from touching their heart again, it's very hard for you guys to get back in the ring again and I'm talking about the wedding ring again, you know, and you got to really watch that stuff is so important that you uplift your relationship. Now I'm not telling you that you should just bite your tongue all the time right? Of course not because then you're gonna have a emotional overload so unhealthy and yes, absolutely unhealthy. You know, anytime you hold on to things too long, it literally will eat you from the inside out. We're not saying that we're just saying just be wise. Know the temperature Yes. Know what's going on in your life and what's going on in your relationship before you say just anything you want to say agree. I mean, it you know, is that fair? I mean, what do you think? I don't know. It's more than fair. It's gonna manifest itself into something else. If you don't say what you need to say. Point Blank period. And it'll come out at the most inappropriate time. And it'll come out over the littlest thing, right? Because you just didn't say what you need to say in the first place. And then you want to feel unheard. And it's not even the other person's fault. You censored yourself. Yes. Yes. Because if you if you've censored yourself, sometimes too much. Now, what I will say is this, and I don't know, ladies, you might not like this, but this, you know, 87% of stone walls are men right? 87% of the time, right? And it's because there has been a lot of things that husbands will not say not all men, okay, but I'm just saying 87% of them are men, right? gender based, but there has been times when they wanted to say something to you, your maid is wanted to say what they really think. And they just bite their tongue right and hold their piece in order to keep the peace, right. But so you can't you know, we can't always say what we Want to say but if they're doing it, ladies I think it's only fair that once in a while we do it to if not make it even Yeah, you gotta understand if it's for the greater good nothing wrong with it. But if you're doing it to appease the situation no because then at some point you're gonna end up hurting yourself. Exactly, exactly. Oh my god you're saying it that you're saying this so good. And well now that we know that the top five things that can like really kill you when it comes to bite your tongue because let's just be real if you come and say something at the wrong time or at the at the in the wrong place. I'm in the wrong mood. I mean, come on y'all. Y'all might not see him we might have a podcast anymore. If he were to say the thing that he wants to say all the time, and vice versa. We will please let's let our let's let our wonderful listeners know what can they do? What are the healthy benefits right? Okay, so we can get into I'm ready. I'm listening. I'm paying Listening, sir. So these are the four reasons why biting your tongue can be healthy in your relationship or marriage. And this is brought to you by Dr. Les and Leslie Kuro. Yeah, who we actually reference a lot in our class. Yeah, we do. There's such excellent teachers such knowledge. Agreed. So number one is that you become a better listener. Okay, you become a better listener. Let me hear that. When you listen to hear versus listen to get your point across. I don't think that's biting your tongue. There's just actually listening and focusing in on what's being said that way. You don't lose the conversation, right? That's active listening, right? Because so many things can be said in that moment, where if you're not listening, like I said, it's actually here what the person is saying and hearing their heart that you can lose was what the conversation is really about. And it can go any number of ways. Oh, and obviously from there, it can turn into Haiti fellowship, right? It can and you're setting yourself up for it. It's literally up to you. Yeah, you could just sit back and listen and bite your tongue, right? grin and bear it and then say, okay, but I learned something. Yeah. And if you think about who sit there, listen, the first It can be over like that, ladies and gentlemen, just snap my fingers here. Oh, it can be over in a minute because you're listening. And then when you actually hear that person's heart, you you can actually probably just apologize for what you did in the first place, right? I'm not gonna lie to True story. Oh, here we go. The other day, Ron and I had a heated fellowship, and I knew it was going somewhere. And as I listened to her, I was like, You know what, I am sorry. I am truly sorry. It happened. And a lot of you know, Rihanna. Gosh. She said, Okay. That's it. I don't even remember what we were arguing about. I was shook. I was shocked. Like that works. Well, what was the disagreement? I can't remember. But when you forgave me, I was thankful. Oh, I think that was real forgiveness thing because I don't remember anything. Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Now, tell me the next one. Okay. No, I have to know. So number two is it helps cultivate empathy. Oh, because again, once I if I'm hearing your heart, and I can understand you, even though we don't have the same opinion, but if I understand what you're saying, I can empathize with it and we can kind of move Together, you know, that makes me think about what's happening in the world right now. Like, if even if we take that to a broader stage, broader view right now, it helps in all relationships, not just in America. And it's like, if you think about a lot of the protesters, the peaceful protesters that are out there, they just want to be heard. Exactly. You know, are you listening to me? Can you hear my heart and they want you to, and they want the police officer to empathize with our situation. Yeah, like, take a walk in my shoes. Like, it's hard being me. Why can't you see that? The same thing in a marriage? It's like it's hurting me. It's harming you. Yeah. And I need to empathize with what you go through. And vice versa, right, cuz you don't want to wear these heels. Oh, you ain't ready to walk around. Okay, again, true story. Oh, God. Have you watching YouTube? And these girls was dancing in heels. I mean, he was kidding. I'm like, Yeah, it looks hard. It did. It looked hard. But I was so fascinated. They were very impressed at us so hard and those heels I mean, it was doing like, you know, steps that You need to do in gym shoes and they were doing so well. Oh my god, literally people that should be in the Olympics because that was that was pretty dope. I'm not gonna lie. It was though I wish I could remember their name. Okay, we're gonna have to reference it in the show notes you guys we will okay go ahead honey. Oh, this is good. you telling me good stuff today at your bank boo. So number three is you practice patience. Oh, come on now patience is a virtue it is and not everybody's got it. Okay. But they say good listening begets patience. And they go they do they go hand in hand. Because if you can listen, because you're practicing the patience to take the time to listen. I like it goes back to the empathy cuz I'm hearing your heart because I'm part of patients who listen to what you really have to say that and I can give you an honest answer because I was patient enough to listen to what you said in the first place. Oh, I like that. That reminds me in the Bible. The Ephesians 521 year old he went to another out of reverence for the Lord. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's just saying like, I'm just gonna take a break and I'm gonna yield and then you go And then after you go through, yeah, you can't go it just really works. It does. It does. It really does because it makes people feel heard. Yeah. Versus it being a one sided conversation. Somebody's feeling beat down. So these are so these are good things to do to hold your tongue. Okay, come on. Yeah, like you said early it can go across all relationships whether they be your children. Yeah, friends, family. It doesn't matter. Okay. I like this. And number four. Last but certainly not least, okay. You create peace and defuse hostility. Oh, that's so true. goes back to my story. I just said, Yeah, when I hurt you, and I really realized what I did wrong. Honestly had to apologize in an instant you forgave. And I promise you, I never felt so much joy myself. Like, it really works. It's funny when I tried to manipulate though we always say right, okay, I'm not trying to act like I'm gonna do I'm gonna hopefully be that way. Well, I apologize sincerely all the time. You do you but at that moment when you forgave me, I literally saw Your eyes you really forgave me with your whole heart. Because you know how you like you know, in your eyes when you see me. You gave me that milk face. Oh, yeah, that's my baby again. And it was like I said it wasn't from a manipulate standpoint but just the fact that if knowing that we had peace again in our relationship, because we have peace our relationships, though. Yeah, it is it is. And it always is. But I do even I learned a lot from the times that we do have heated fellowship. Yeah, you know, and like I said, I don't want it to be a situation where, you know, everyone is down there, why I bit my tongue and then you you gain resentment. Don't Don't create a situation where contempt can grow within your relationship. But what we are saying is just know the time know the place, and it's okay to bite your tongue. Right? Oh, I'm so happy. I'm so happy to talk to you all. And I'm so glad for you all to listen. We thank you. Once again, make sure you guys sign up and subscribe to be a part of our tribe. We want to make sure that you text this phrase to two to eight to eight. Me too. We talk and then you will instantly become a subscriber. We want you to be a part of our community. We love you all so very much, because again, we promise to tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me God. Thank you guys. We'll see you next time. Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Where did Bite Your Tongue Come From?
5 Amazing Tips Preview
Will we lose emotional ground
4 Reasons why biting your tongue is healthy for your relationship and marriage