Me to We Talk Podcast

Episode 23: We Need To Talk!

April 04, 2020 Me to We Talk Podcast Season 2 Episode 23
Me to We Talk Podcast
Episode 23: We Need To Talk!
Chapters
Me to We Talk Podcast
Episode 23: We Need To Talk!
Apr 04, 2020 Season 2 Episode 23
Me to We Talk Podcast

Join the Me to We Talk Podcast as we discuss the 4 most dreadful words ever spoken in a relationship...We Need To Talk!  Come on! Don't become fearful...let's talk about it!  Join Conell and Rhonda as we provide tips on how to change the narrative of just pointing out “we need to talk” and really orchestrating a purposeful talk for your marriage.  Join us as we break down our own "heated fellowship" and how miscommunication could have prevented our own engagement!  Listen in as Elder Conell provides 3 tips on the most inopportune times to tell your mate "We Need to talk".  You don't want to miss this!

Learn more about us at: campsite.bio/metowe

Me to We Talk Podcast presents The Truth Serum Series! Address Godly relationship issues and topics not normally discussed in church settings...but should! Join Elders Conell & Rhonda Hollins as they speak the Truth, The Whole Truth and nothing but the Truth...So Help Me God.  Available for Free download! Check us out at https://metowetalk.com and join our blog...TheTalk of the Town at https://metotalk.com/blog-2/ to get the latest topics up for discussion on the Me to We Talk Podcast! Join us on air! Contact us at https://metowetalk.com/contact/ we would love to hear your perspective and talk with you live during our podcast! Listen, and let the truth set you free! Thank
you for your support!

Support the show (http://paypal.me/metowetalk)

Show Notes Transcript

Join the Me to We Talk Podcast as we discuss the 4 most dreadful words ever spoken in a relationship...We Need To Talk!  Come on! Don't become fearful...let's talk about it!  Join Conell and Rhonda as we provide tips on how to change the narrative of just pointing out “we need to talk” and really orchestrating a purposeful talk for your marriage.  Join us as we break down our own "heated fellowship" and how miscommunication could have prevented our own engagement!  Listen in as Elder Conell provides 3 tips on the most inopportune times to tell your mate "We Need to talk".  You don't want to miss this!

Learn more about us at: campsite.bio/metowe

Me to We Talk Podcast presents The Truth Serum Series! Address Godly relationship issues and topics not normally discussed in church settings...but should! Join Elders Conell & Rhonda Hollins as they speak the Truth, The Whole Truth and nothing but the Truth...So Help Me God.  Available for Free download! Check us out at https://metowetalk.com and join our blog...TheTalk of the Town at https://metotalk.com/blog-2/ to get the latest topics up for discussion on the Me to We Talk Podcast! Join us on air! Contact us at https://metowetalk.com/contact/ we would love to hear your perspective and talk with you live during our podcast! Listen, and let the truth set you free! Thank
you for your support!

Support the show (http://paypal.me/metowetalk)

spk_0:   0:06
welcome, everybody. We're so excited to have you back again. It

spk_1:   0:11
is the me to a top podcasts. And yes, it's the truth serum. Siri's where we promised to tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me God. And today's episode is sponsored by Mita we ministries. And we thank you for your support with Thank you. Yes, because he's gonna

spk_0:   0:32
need some support. The way I'm talking to him today. Okay, you guys, I want to talk about the most four dreaded words that any relationship will ever hear. You guys ready to hear what it sounds like? I'm here. It is. We need to talk.

spk_1:   0:53
Shut the front door. What if I don't want to talk around

spk_0:   0:58
it? Well, hey, but we need to talk. I mean, we You know what? You and me, we need to talk, Okay? And, you know, think about those Whenever someone hears this, you know this statement We need to talk even when we hear it in our classroom settings. Right? They said then she came to me with the We need to talk. Or he came to me and said, we need to talk

spk_1:   1:20
nothing good comes after. We need to talk.

spk_0:   1:22
Why do you say that?

spk_1:   1:23
It just doesn't sound right. Nothing can follow that. We need to talk because what you're doing right now just isn't It doesn't work for me. Come on. We need to talk, OK? No, it's a statement that sets up something very bad already. I can feel it in my jellies. No doing your jelly.

spk_0:   1:37
No. Let me tell you something. You know what? I'm going to say This we

spk_1:   1:42
need to

spk_0:   1:42
talk. Every relationship needs to talk. I mean, they really d'oh it act as though we do not is like saying like, Hey, we don't need air to breathe, You know, we need to

spk_1:   1:52
talk, But the thing is like so let's say if I'm thinking everything is going well, everything is hunky dorey. Okay? You say we need to talk. I'm going to, like, feel so defeated because I'm like, I thought we were Good way. Gotta talk, because then he's gonna run through my mind like, Oh my God, What we talk about What did I do wrong home? Because we need to talk. Basically means I need to tell you what's really going on?

spk_0:   2:19
No, that's not true. Not all the time. When When I have said we need to talk. That s o a minute. Let me ask you this When I say that to you, that's what you think. You think that all the time?

spk_1:   2:30
Yeah. Sometimes I come to you super smooth,

spk_0:   2:32
like I'm like, Hey, babe. Hey, babe. You know, we need to talk. And you know, is that why you will just immediately

spk_1:   2:39
work? Okay, I'm getting goose bumps is going. My body's going crazy. It's having a visceral reaction to those words. And you know what it is what I really think it is. What is the fact? I didn't say it first because it's like what I have said it. But who understands the first has the power. You think that Well,

spk_0:   2:58
I guess you're not alone. I was reading in the urban dictionary. You guys, I died laughing when I saw this because I didn't recognize that these words grew so deep until Canela and I were about to have a conversation because I was telling him we need to talk.

spk_1:   3:14
He was just like,

spk_0:   3:15
Oh, my God, please. Not today. And I was

spk_1:   3:16
like, What do you mean,

spk_0:   3:17
right? But listen to what other people say in the urban Dictionary when you hear the words we need to talk, the first statement says, You're screwed. I

spk_1:   3:27
was like, What is down?

spk_0:   3:29
It says the four words you never want to hear when you think your relationship is going well,

spk_1:   3:35
seeing they agree with me.

spk_0:   3:38
Okay, women hold on. It gets even better, it says. Sorry, Levin saw. This is not funny, but it's just the way it's perceived is a little humorous to me. But it said, if you here we need to talk, it means it is the end of your relationship or Number two, something that could mean the end of your relationship unless you take it really seriously, it means I'm going to leave you if you don't get better.

spk_1:   4:05
You have said nothing good from these four words. So you

spk_0:   4:10
think OK, well, you know what? Let let's take it back. I do have to be real. You all I'm gonna tell you about the very first time that I said this to my husband. Now he seems to think that this is only a female trait and it is not sure because he has come to me on many of occasions and said, Hey, you know what? We We

spk_1:   4:28
need to talk. What God, you knew was going to start this conversation out first round. But

spk_0:   4:33
you know is not like that. And the reason why is because maybe we need to talk about a couple things so we can get you prepared for it. Is that all right? We're just giving you preparation. It is a preparatory statement. So can I tell him the first time that we needed to talk about it? Please do. Okay, so we needed to talk when you proposed to me. And then all of a sudden you got cold feet like you don't remember that

spk_1:   4:59
I honestly don't because technically speaking, me saying, Let's go look for rings isn't really a proposal. That's just like, get off. Oh, my God. That's like just setting the stage for maybe one is me getting idea like, you know where my budget should be. No verses where your eyes are gonna be the lies you tell the

spk_0:   5:19
lies you tell That is not it. Ladies, if someone takes you to a ring shop and start saying I want to spend the rest of my life with you and then you go through looking at 2 to 3 different rings and they weren't cheap rings. He was looking at things that were rather expensive. And then he looked me in the eyes and was telling me how much he wants to see me with how he wants to have Children with me.

spk_1:   5:46
You don't do

spk_0:   5:47
that and walk into, ah, you know, a ring shop and do that like you shouldn't even brought me. If that was the case like you shouldn't even brought me in there. So then this is what he did because he doesn't want to tell the whole story. This is why we needed to talk. So I went, went when he did that to me. I mean, I was super excited. I wouldn't eat when he liked laid it out, and he started

spk_1:   6:08
making me feel

spk_0:   6:08
like a princess because that wasn't even our plans for the day. He just said, I want to take you somewhere special, and then we go in that room. I'm like, Oh, man, he's trying to get an idea because he wants to propose to me. So then I'm getting excited. You know, he told me he loved me. It was very hard for me to say I love him at first because I think those words are so meaningful and is very hard for this girl to say I love you will let, at least initially to him. Right? So I had After he did that, I was just He was like, I love you. And then I was just like, I love you too, you know? And it was like, that little slight pause so you could know. My words were in depth, and we're in meaningful, right? Right. And then he goes, he goes and says, Okay, I'm gonna drop you off so he drops me off a home. I didn't get the ring that day because it was a matter of, you know, he wanted to choose certain things, and he wanted, you know, he didn't want me to be there when he got the ring. That's how it was you made me feel. Am I right?

spk_1:   7:02
You're right. But once you finish, I want to tell my point of view.

spk_0:   7:04
Okay. Okay, That's fine. So then and then I go home. You know, he drops me off to my apartment and he goes home. He calls me the next morning. Okay. The very next morning, he was like, Hey, what you doing? It was like nothing. And I was just like everything. Okay? He's like, Yeah, and I was like, I had such a good time the other day was so sweet what you did. You know, I'm pouring out my feelings, you know, just like those girls on the bachelor do when they're telling me. You know, you're the one for me. He's about to tell you you're not the one, right? Um and so he goes assessed to me, He says, Do you think we're moving too fast? Oh, come on, y'all

spk_1:   7:42
Come on that. Do you think we're moving too fast? And you told me

spk_0:   7:46
to go look for the ring. You remember that?

spk_1:   7:48
Yeah. Are you done?

spk_0:   7:49
No, no, no. You going? Okay, Maybe I'm done. But I just wanted you to wait just a little bit longer. We like how you did me because that

spk_1:   7:55
was

spk_0:   7:55
so wrong. That was so hurtful. And I remember I would just say what We're moving

spk_1:   7:59
too fast. now,

spk_0:   8:00
But you just took me to go look for some rings. No, No. So I got off the phone with him. I was extremely angry. I had to process my feelings. I had to figure out how I felt in that moment. And so you know what he did? I was just thinking about it to myself.

spk_1:   8:15
What he do,

spk_0:   8:15
he didn't even call me back. Check on me. He didn't say anything. It's so in

spk_1:   8:20
my mind he was breaking up

spk_0:   8:22
with me because

spk_1:   8:23
you knew you knew that I was. You knew I wasn't

spk_0:   8:28
feeling good. You knew I was hurt. And you just like, okay? And it was even the way he got off the phone was so rude and mean to me. In my opinion, he's

spk_1:   8:38
in your opinion. In my opinion, my opinion was fact in that moment,

spk_0:   8:42
okay? And he goes and goes and says to me, All right, I'm gonna let you go now You're gonna let me

spk_1:   8:48
go? So you you Rollins this and you're gonna let me go. And

spk_0:   8:53
I was just done. I was so done. He let Hee diddly leave me alone. He let me go for two or three days and didn't say anything after that. Canel Hollins, Junior Hollins Junior. You said that to me. And so I said, No, no, no, no. You're not going to just put this silence on me, you know, drop me into Wonderland, and then take it away, you know, and stuff. I said no, that's not how it's going. So I called him up and I said, You know what? We need to talk. And I just left it at that, okay? I don't even think I called you. I think I texted you. I think they got texted it What I got. I think I texted him and say, we need to talk now. Is that not correct? Condell Hollins Junior

spk_1:   9:34
First and foremost, Yes, The way you told that story, I'm filling some type of deep, lingering anguish. It's still festering in you.

spk_0:   9:44
I mean, we're married now, but I'm telling you, that was, you know, highly offensive.

spk_1:   9:49
Okay? And you know what? I apologize. Oh, I apologize for making you feel that way.

spk_0:   9:56
Well, you never apologized for

spk_1:   9:57
you know, I think I did. Don't be that way. Stop now. Like that Yesterday I did put the big boy voice on. I I apologize. That was a big

spk_0:   10:05
boy, boys. I'm gonna tell him how you really upon, you know? Go ahead, honey.

spk_1:   10:08
First of all, some of that sounds kind of made up, and I don't know if any of that might have been true. The truth might be somewhere in the middle. Okay. Really? Yeah. No, those were

spk_0:   10:18
my feelings. I found that,

spk_1:   10:20
uh, okay. Your feelings. Okay, but just being honest, what? Really, Actually kind of gave me cold feet. As you say, It was just the ring shop. Like the guy wasn't really like a salesman. Should be. Somebody's really trying to sell you something and do it with ease. Like the guy. He really rubbed me the wrong way. He had me thinking my pockets just wasn't big enough to be in this store. I mean, I married you, so obviously I saw a future with you, but I think it's all about going into the ring shop and going to the right ring shop, because sometimes a salesman can make it feel so overwhelming. Okay, So

spk_0:   10:57
what do you mean by that?

spk_1:   10:58
For instance, the one we went to that here in Northwest Indiana. It's been around forever. He literally made me feel like I was gonna be the cheapest guy in the world. Like whatever I was looking at, just one didn't suffice. And it wasn't that I even knew the pressure of ring, because obviously the rings don't have prices. They just look nice. And, like I was in one case and he was like, No need to go to this case. It's all about tone. And the way you say it, I can feel what it came in your super smooth about it. That's what sells guy is. He's he's selling you on something you really don't need. Yeah, and that's the truth. So but the way he implied that really made me feel like less than a man like, if you can't get this and I don't know why you get married, I don't know why you want a proposal, because this is the one she's gonna want versus Hey, you know what? I could find that perfect ring for you. It doesn't matter what you want to speak. We're gonna make it work. Can I say a name where we know? Don't say OK? No, disparaging. Just know Iran's when he went toe. No, no, don't say that. Don't say. But when I went toe know that place, they made me feel super comfortable. And that was after the fact. Like those few days you said I wasn't I'm talking back to you. I was actually at this other place and they made me feel comfortable about my own decision and my budget and things of that nature would make me feel that more ready to propose.

spk_0:   12:16
Oh, so OK, so

spk_1:   12:17
I didn't know that, You know, you never told me that best truth, and that's why I had to apologize because we needed to talk on. I didn't talk because of the fact that when you said like I say, it all depends on who's saying it first. Because when you say we need to talk and you already just say like in your mind all he's breaking up with me. You start making up stories in your own head, and once you start believing it's all downhill after that, it is that the fact that it is, I didn't say, Hey, Rhonda, we need to talk about this because I want to apologize for the way I acted, but I did it because of this. And then you kind of would have went on that journey with me and some where I was coming from versus making up the whole store in your own head. And it was my own phone.

spk_0:   12:55
Ah, so I didn't know that you were looking, you know, at other rings. Now, you you have told me in the past about the way that you know that person the sales person made you feel about. And the truth of the matter was I wasn't even looking at the rings that he was talking about. Ah, lot of them. I did think that they were just too much, you know, it was just from my hand and what I always dreamed up. It didn't line up so and then what you did give me is what I really wanted. It was like, Oh, my goodness was beautiful, like I fell in love with it, and it just it felt like it was it found home on my finger.

spk_1:   13:30
It was made for you. Like I specifically made that ring for you. But I do appreciate your saying a lot of what he showed. You didn't learn that what you wanted. Because in that moment when I saw you smiling so hard, I assumed it was because of what he was showing you versus just the sentiment of what was really going on. Yeah,

spk_0:   13:47
it was. It was just cause we were in that room and I was just like, Wow. I mean, this is getting serious now. And it's a serious that I wanted, you know, like, I wasn't I wouldn't I wasn't even looking for any of that like that. That was like, Wow. And, you know, I've had people who had told me they felt this way about me before, and there were people that I thought I felt that way about

spk_1:   14:08
it.

spk_0:   14:08
But it was confirmed in my heart when I saw you. Like I knew that we were meant to be

spk_1:   14:13
saying that

spk_0:   14:13
and then for you to say, and

spk_1:   14:15
you had

spk_0:   14:15
already told me you had loved me for a while and I had not said again

spk_1:   14:20
Just put my business. I like that. Like I said it first. You can savor it and don't need to know that. But it's

spk_0:   14:25
okay because you know It's something in there, you know. It's when a man finds a wife

spk_1:   14:29
you think with

spk_0:   14:30
lower, right? But you know what? Let's talk about that again. Right? Okay, So when you hear, we need to talk. We gotta change that narrative a little bit. Don't We don't have to change that narrative. It can't just simply be we need to talk. Maybe it's I need to talk like I need to get something off of my chest and I need to tell you how I feel. And I want to make sure that when I say it, I'm protected in that moment, you know? Yeah. And you know, it's also crucial that I'm able to tell you what my fears are, and I can talk about it safely. And a lot of times when I would say, since you said women say it all the time, right? A lot of times. The reason why women are saying this, it's for two reasons. It's a disclaimer, right? It's saying I need something from you or I need you to do something for me. You know, it's one of the other right, And so a lot of times, if you don't allow that person to feel safe where they feel annoyed with something because they've been holding on to things for quite some time. They've allowed it to fester, and you know, that's on the person that is saying, Hey, we need to talk, that's all. If it were me, it's on me. I should have said something in the moment when it came to the rain like, Hey, you know what, What do you say? And what do you mean, instead of assuming that you were breaking up with me or that you were it was done and over and me initiating a full on break up. You know that in my head I did. But you know, the Bible always says that the very thing I fear has come upon me, You have to watch it and watch what you say because you're putting it out there like, Hey, you know, that's what I want. But that might not really be the truth.

spk_1:   16:06
True and actually funny thing. So you know how you at the Urban dictionary? I actually read something different. They actually kind of flips it on his head. So where it says when you say we need to talk is basically saying we need to communicate without fear. Oh, that's that. That's best of what we're doing. When you hear those words, fear grips you, it does. So let's communicate without fear, knowing we do need to talk. So why is it so hard to just talk about it?

spk_0:   16:31
You're saying you're saying it best. It's perfect. Love casts out fear. Eso I mean, I'm not gonna be tormented. I'm gonna be talking and listening. I don't want to communicate clearly. Okay, that's perfect. Well, then I'm gonna tell you some of the ways that what I want to hear And ladies or gentlemen, this is for everyone. This is for you. These

spk_1:   16:50
are

spk_0:   16:50
some of the things that we have found that you're really trying to say that you're what you really are trying to come across. One of the things that we've found is that sometimes I need to talk about sex, right? I need to know that when we're in that comfort zone that these these needs are being met or not being mad or these air the frequencies of it. Or is this all that you want these air multiple situations that we've come across where they're saying, Hey, I need to talk about it But when they're saying we need to talk, it's coming down to I need to talk and I've found that it's Maur Men and female But it is heavier on the on the guy's side. If they say we need to talk is because they feel that they're not being satisfied in this situation. And a lot of times we don't want to hear it were like, Oh, that's all they want me for, right? Well, no, it's not all that they want you for, but it is a perk of marriage. And why not? I mean, if that's all you want me for, we're gonna have an exciting time, But it's gonna be shallow, but we can talk in between weekend Deep connect in those moments and in deep into Miss C is the best way, you know? Okay. Do you Do you think that's fair?

spk_1:   17:57
Yeah. I mean, to be honest, sex is a big part of the relationship, especially when you're married s So why wouldn't you want to talk about it? Why wouldn't I want to know what gets you there? One turns you want and what satisfies you. It's my job to please that. What? Okay, we'll see. You know, I got scared. You know what I'm saying? So we shouldn't We should never be afraid of intimacy.

spk_0:   18:22
That's right. We shouldn't. You were into me. See?

spk_1:   18:25
Yeah, like, I

spk_0:   18:25
wanted to be a little bit deeper connection. And how do we make those deeper connections instead of saying we need to talk? I need to talk. About what? Emotion? Yeah. We need to talk about our emotions. Like, where do you stand? You know, what do you need to hear from me? What do you need in order to feel safe and secure in this moment so that you can just lay it all out? You know, that's a hole, deeper discussion. And you have to be ready for it so that you will not only recognize what they're going through, but you know it. And you see the signals long before they get there, and you're able to intercept it before it gets to that. We need to talk conversation. You know, we need to talk so that in general relationship does well. But we need you or let me say this. I need you not to talk to me like you know. You're my parents. Okay?

spk_1:   19:12
Good way. Have we have to keep it on a period of pier level? Because if it gets to the point where you're talking to me like you're my mom Ah, then we need to talk is not gonna work. I'm just going to shut down on and I'm not gonna say a thing because I felt for that I'm getting scolded as your child and not your husband. Come on. How How does that make me feel? It doesn't. It hurts.

spk_0:   19:35
Yeah, that's not sexy.

spk_1:   19:37
Just not at all.

spk_0:   19:38
It's not at all, you know. And then I would say that would go into our last reason. I would say, usually when you need to talk, I need to talk about us like stand on me. Are we doing regular check up some one another, you know, do we know what we're gonna do? What are your hopes? What are your dreams? Are we having shared goals? Are we gonna get there together?

spk_1:   20:00
Especially from a couple of this, actually, just dating. Let's take the sex out of it and just say we need to talk about this relationship was like, Where are we going? But are we going to the ring shop? Come on. Because if we're not, I need to know. So no, you have to, because the one thing we always tell you guys, the one thing we don't have and we can't get back, it's time. So why waste more time talking about something that's not gonna get resolved?

spk_0:   20:25
Right? And we want to make sure that we improve your communication so that we need to talk doesn't sound so daunting. You know, we wanted to be, like, very inviting, and it's all about the way that you deliver it, and it's all about what you have to say afterwards. And it shouldn't be something that you're building up like if you're laying out a damn in front of a very large water stream or water sores, it shouldn't be so built up. But by the time it comes out, it's just like a flood, and you're drinking from a water hose rather than having a you know, a stream. You know who wants a conversation like that? It's overwhelming, and I don't think anything will get accomplished

spk_1:   21:00
agree, but can I say something else? Yeah, Absolutely. Because also, about when you say we need to talk to Because that's key on. I got three inopportune times as far as when you should not do that thing.

spk_0:   21:11
Oh, man, you're gonna have to tell me about that. I want to know because you know, there's biblical references to that as well. Like that goes to that. But if you're telling me Oh, you know what? Yeah. He's trying to get back at me for saying it cause there are inopportune times. And when did we not like I did make a mistake? I did. I did in the very beginning say some things that made it seem like, you know, it was a lot harder than what it waas, right. I'm sorry for that too.

spk_1:   21:37
No, it's okay. We're gonna talk about it. I'm gonna give you the biblical part of it as well. Okay, so Ephesians 4 29 lead. No corrupting talk come out of your mouths. But on Lee, such as is good for building up as it fits the occasion. Oh, that it may give grace to those who hear it

spk_0:   21:58
fits the occasion. I'm telling you, everything's in the Bible

spk_1:   22:02
isn't in the word. But I mean it

spk_0:   22:04
is like, Come on now, like you guys read that is that He said it's the occasion so that whomever is hearing it will receive it. You know, I can't believe that that, don't you? I think the Lord Thank you for giving me that, father. Oh, yes.

spk_1:   22:18
A man s o back to what I was saying as faras the the three inopportune time. Okay,

spk_0:   22:25
I gotta hear this. Go ahead.

spk_1:   22:26
So the first of which is what you did to me the first time, and that's going to be Don't send me a text message. Do not. Especially while I'm driving. I know. What did you

spk_0:   22:39
say? Heaven. You've got to tell him that.

spk_1:   22:40
Come on. When you get a text message like that, you really have to pull off to the side of the road and really take stock of what's really going on. What are they? Start evaluating all conversations like What did I do? Why do we need to talk now, huh? So no, you cannot do that to me. This is a conversation that has to be half face to face. I agree. Text messages out the door.

spk_0:   22:59
It's out the door. Okay. All right. I'll go with

spk_1:   23:02
that with that. Okay. So number two, you can't do that. We need to talk while I'm at work. Oh, God, that will throw off the mojo. Especially when I'm in that money making move session. I'm trying to get this money. You say we need to talk about my God right back. Right back While was it with the text message? Yeah, number one. I just don't know how to, like, really process the rest of my day because I'm waiting on this conversation later.

spk_0:   23:28
Yeah, it disrupts you. You can't even focus on anything else that's happening because you're sitting around worried about that. I'm sorry. Yeah, I did that too. Sorry, guys.

spk_1:   23:39
Which is being on this?

spk_0:   23:40
Okay, keep it up. Okay. Let me here. I

spk_1:   23:42
wouldn't last was Certainly not least we just talked about sex. Oh, so it's okay said to say we need to talk, but don't say we need to talk. What? I thought I just did my fan. No. And I'm feeling like the man and you like you know what we need to talk. Oh, my God. That's that's just gonna bring me down to a whole nother level. I never did that. You haven't, and you never will. Okay, it is just the point. Who wants to hear that directly after, say, Oh, yeah, I can

spk_0:   24:09
imagine. That would be horrible.

spk_1:   24:11
I'm really thinking like, Oh, my God, It was that bad. You're leaving? You're gone. Come on. So those three things like you can't have it right in those three things and other night. I mean, it's a conversation that needs to be head.

spk_0:   24:24
Yeah. I'm telling you that I agree wholeheartedly with my husband and the way that you can continue to do that the way you can make sure that you're talking about things right is make sure one that you don't discredit them. These are my rules. I'm gonna give you my top forks, please. Okay. Don't discredit them when they're coming to you. Don't insult them. You know, everything should be laid out on the table except for insults or any type of conjecture that's gonna tear the person down. We don't want that in the in the situation. When you're having a we need to tell conversation number two. I would tell you to stay on task. Okay? I'm talking to everyone. This is ladies and gentlemen, stay on task. Don't start on one issue that hop to another one because something else got you fired up and going, okay? And we want to make sure that we're respecting that person. We're respecting the person that we love. The next one is Don't assume that everything is okay. Ask. Okay. Don't just think everything is fine so that it doesn't have to build up. Always do a maintenance check and verify that your relationship is moving along on course. You should be always double checking. Just like with your vehicle or your car. You're doing oil checks. You're doing preventive maintenance. Correct. Should be having preventative maintenance conversations. Not like what did I do? But more like Hey, what else do you need from me? Let me tell you what I need from you,

spk_1:   25:45
right? What can I do?

spk_0:   25:46
What can I do? Owe You know, that's more love. You know, that moves it from going into contract versus covenant, and we're gonna talk about that on another episode. You guys are gonna love that. and then finally, this is the most important one. Ah, hard lesson. Your girl Rhonda had to learn. Okay, here it iss respect his silence. It's okay to respect the silence, right? You might want to go right then and there you want to go toe for toe? You know who you are. This is both male and female. You know who you are, right? And then you want to make sure that you're listening to what they're not saying. Okay? Super important. You know, it really is. And you want to make sure that you're listening for body changes in their verbal cues and that it's OK, because sometimes you have to allow emotions to digest before you try to jump in. And it's really so that you guys don't express accidental hurts and we want to prevent that. We want to make sure you're not a casualty of war in the middle of an argument. Is that fair? You guys, Do you think that you learned on how you really need to talk? Because take it from the crows. We know how to talk at me till we talk. We love you guys. We hope you like this episode. It is more to come way have joy. We have communication than we have love. Is that fair? You guys thank you for joining the media. We tuck podcast and we brought you to the truth serum Siri's. And we promised to tell you the

spk_1:   27:19
truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me God.

spk_0:   27:25
Thank you, guys, and we'll see you soon.